I was pregnant and didn’t know what to do.  One day I wanted to have the baby and the next day I didn’t.  Looking back, I realize now that I was on an emotional seesaw.  This went on for weeks until I finally decided on abortion.  I was 12 weeks pregnant, my clothes were getting tight and I was starting to show.


I arrived at the clinic in the morning.  It was a beautiful day in April.  I checked in, paid and waited with a group of 6–8 women in the waiting area.  We were called back into another room and given a pill to relax us.  One by one we were called to go down the hall to the room where they performed abortions.


As I sat in the room with the other women waiting for my name to be called, I changed my mind.  I told the nurse and walked outside.  The nurse followed me and we sat down in a patio area.  She told me that I had to get an abortion and there were no other options for me.  Reluctantly, I went back in and immediately they took me into the procedure room.  I remember a poster on the ceiling, a cat hanging from a branch with the words “Hang in there.”  I also remember the vacuum noise and the pain.  The man performing the abortion was very cold and the procedure was very quick.  Next thing I knew I was sitting in a recovery area alone eating saltine crackers with cramps and bleeding. 


I was alone.  The nurse that told me I had no other choice was gone.  The other women were gone.  I felt so alone.  After a short time they had me leave out a back door.  I went to my car and drove home.


My abortion story happened many years ago, but portions of it are forever etched in my memory.


If I had to go back, I wouldn’t do it again.  My emotions were all over the place, plus I was pressured to abort by my boyfriend and the nurse.  They weren’t the ones that had to go through it…I was.


If you are on an emotional seesaw regarding your pregnancy, one day you want an abortion and the next you don’t.  I understand. If you are feeling trapped, confused, overwhelmed...and need to talk to someone call Care Net Pregnancy Resource Center of Neosho at 417.451.0100.